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terça-feira, 11 de março de 2014 Sem categoria | 09:08

Eu não fui feliz, meu filho. Então você está proibido de sê-lo.

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Sim, garoto, você é. Mesmo que seu pai e sua mãe achem que não. Crescer significa também enfrentá-los.

Sim, garoto, você é. Mesmo que seu pai e sua mãe achem que não. Crescer significa também enfrentá-los.

Esses dias ouvi um pai ceifando opções de carreira numa conversa que estabelecia com o filho adolescente com o vaticínio: “isso não dá dinheiro”.

Não era bem uma conversa, era mais um monólogo – o menino tentava construir uma frase, expressar um desejo, e o pai descia a marreta paterna, embalada nesse raciocínio dinheirista. Logo ele que não era assim a pessoa mais feliz do mundo no trabalho – não tinha uma carreira, tinha um emprego que lhe rendia algum dinheiro e quase nenhuma felicidade profissional.

É curioso como temos a capacidade de reproduzir como herança imposta aos nossos filhos as coisas que deram menos certo para a gente. Quase como uma sabotagem à geração seguinte – “eu não fui feliz, eu não segui minhas paixões, eu não ouvi meu coração, e tratei de obedecer meus pais, e agora você me deve tudo isso. Não ouse se realizar profissionalmente! Especialmente em alguma coisa que eu não entenda ou que não me dê orgulho”.

Esse mesmo pai, ou essa mesma mãe, segue adiante em seu modo de pensar: “Não ouse se realizar afetivamente num modelo que não seja o matrimônio heterossexual – porque eu não saberia como contar isso para os meus amigos e teria vergonha de você, além de uma sensação insustentável de ter falhado em passar os valores da geração que me precedeu para a geração que me sucederá”. Não importa que esses valores sejam velhos de muitas décadas e não representem mais a vida como ela acontece hoje. “Não ouse ter uma religião que não for a minha (pior do que tudo é não ter crença alguma) ou torcer para um time que não seja o meu ou ignorar qualquer régua fundamental à minha vida – ela deveria também reger a sua também”.

Eu, em silêncio, pensava no quanto divirjo daquele pai. Só para ficar no campo profissional: o principal objetivo de uma carreira não é ganhar dinheiro – é obter o máximo de satisfação consigo mesmo, com aquilo que você faz, com aquilo que você é. Uma carreira existe para gerar o sentimento de realização, para criar na pessoa a sensação de que ela está construindo uma obra relevante para si mesmo e para os demais. Dinheiro é consequência disso. Ele vem depois, como recompensa – não pode vir antes, como critério de escolha. A grana não é um detalhe desimportante. Ao contrário: ela é fundamental. Mas ele vem, de um jeito ou de outro, em maior ou menor medida. E ela não é a medida de todas as coisas. Nem mesmo o critério mais importante de êxito na vida. Então por que não gerar as condições para que o dinheiro seja gerado a partir de uma situação que permita a você – ou ao seu filho! – ser feliz? Fazer o que se gosta sem ganhar dinheiro pode ser uma situação bem desagradável. Muito mais desesperador é ganhar dinheiro com algo que você não tem o menor gosto de fazer.

A fala daquele pai, podando seu filho na raiz, tentando manter o garoto dentro do molde de vida que ele considerava o mais apropriado, expressava um desejo paterno de que o menino se desse bem na vida. Mas expressava, de modo muito mais eloquente, os medos que assombravam aquele pai. E as suas dificuldades para deixar que o garoto vivesse a sua vida do jeito dele – um jeito que talvez fosse completamente diverso do seu. E a arrogância de quem se agarra a clichês em franca obsolescência e acha que sabe de tudo melhor do que todo mundo – especialmente quanto o assunto é a vida dos outros.

O molde comportamental que armamos para nós mesmos, como uma armadilha mental, e que adoramos passar adiante, inclusive como forma de validarmos o molde que utilizamos para organizar nossa própria vida, é de um reducionismo atroz. Nesse processo em que uma geração quer entalhar a outra à sua imagem e semelhança – numa exercício de autoafirmação, por mais infelizes que tenhamos sido em vários aspectos de nossas vidas –, eliminamos as diferenças, as individualidades, os desejos e o sonhos particulares de quem só está começando a viver.

Para aquele pai, o molde era um uniforme corporativo – cada vez mais gasto, diga-se. Antigamente, a tríade respeitável girava em torno de medicina/advocacia/engenharia. Quem não estava aí, estava fora. Hoje, a esperança dos pais reside no quadrilátero administração/marketing/engenharia/economia. Essas seriam as chaves, imaginam eles, para encontrar um lugar ao sol no mundo corporativo. Como se só houvesse essas opções no mundo corporativo. Como se o mundo corporativo fosse a única opção de construção de um carreira digna e feliz. Como se essa fosse, sem sombra de dúvida e sem possibilidade de discussão, a melhor opção.

A falta de visão, ou de coragem, daquele pai, somada a sua soberba em impor a sua visão ao filho, de cima para baixo, sem possibilidade de arguição, numa catequese covarde e injusta, fechava portas para o garoto em vez de abri-las. O pai não se colocava como facilitador, mas como inquisidor. Um situação extremamente com a maior cara de novela das 7, mas que infelizmente continua acontecendo a rodo por aí, como um clichê lamentável.

Ou você cria seu filho para que ele tome decisões autônomas, incluindo aquelas que negam veementemente o seu jeito de fazer as coisas, ou você estará sendo um péssimo pai. Não respeitar as escolhas do seu filho é desrespeitar seu filho. E desinstrumentalizá-lo diante da vida e, pior, diante dele mesmo.

Autor: Tags: , , , , , , ,

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    Adorei !!! As pessoas acham que por ser pais “devem mandar em seus filhos” , como fossem ainda crianças, e esquecem que são pessoas individuais, seres únicos, e se preocupar menos com o que os outros vão pensar!!! “Meus” filhos devem ser felizes em suas escolhas, estarei só onde eles me puserem e vou viver a Minha Vida, depois de crescidos deixarei meu Papel de mãe. Não é por isso que deixarei de amar, mas que eles não estejam do meu lado apenas por obrigação, nascemos para evoluir e crescermos e não para ficarmos presos por valores que não calem mais. Seja feliz!!! Amo meus filhos e até sou grudenta, mas agora estou aprendendo a não os criar com opressão e medo, depois se tornaram adultos presos e não saberão se virar sozinhos viveram pedindo opinião aos outros e vivendo o que os ‘outros queriam viver, ou o que a maioria vive por ser normal.

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