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segunda-feira, 11 de novembro de 2013 Sem categoria | 12:01

Você é escravo das suas conquistas?

Compartilhe: Twitter
E se quem botou essas algemas de ouro em seus pulso foi você mesmo?

E se quem botou essas algemas de ouro em seus pulsos foi você mesmo?

Moro em São Paulo há quase 16 anos. Nunca pensei em viver aqui. Eu tinha medo da cidade – que é, acredite, uma das mais acolhedoras e simpáticas do Brasil, apesar de tudo. São Paulo é uma senhora de meia idade, feia, com alguma grana, mal ajambrada aqui e ali, que é dona de um toque gostoso, de um colo sempre tépido e macio. São Paulo é também o único lugar verdadeiramente cosmopolita do país, por atuar de fato como metrópole e não apenas a partir do desejo de ser uma metrópole. São Paulo já é a cidade em que mais tempo morei em minha vida. Virei paulistano.

Já vivi em várias cidades, inclusive fora do país. Já estive no cume do mundo moderno, feito de concreto, vidro e aço escovado. Mas me sinto em casa também no campo, na grota, no meio do mato, sobre a grama, à beira de um açude. Sou um cara civilizado e urbano. Mas também um cara selvagem e campesino. Já cometi algumas extravagâncias gastronômicas sérias em Paris – mas também sou feliz com arroz, feijão e ovo frito. Não sou de todo inculto mas continuo sendo um silvícola – como meu sobrenome deixa entrever. Uma caneca de café preto e um naco de pão sovado com manteiga me realizam plenamente.

Essa dualidade existe até hoje dentro de mim. De um lado, tenho orgulho das minhas conquistas. Acho que tenho o direito de pensar que cheguei longe, considerando de onde parti. Mas a verdade é que ainda sou um menino do interior que por vezes não se sente de verdade integrado ao funcionamento das coisas no topo da pirâmide. Ainda sou um garoto pobre que não está plenamente confortável com as todas as benesses e todas as demandas da vida na classe média. São vantagens que trazem desvantagens. São prerrogativas que trazem obrigações. Como os êxitos nos pesam! Quanto mais você angaria na vida, mais a sua vida se complica. Quanto mais você tem, mais você precisa correr para continuar tendo. Eis o ponto: ter custa caro. E não é o custo da aquisição – mas o custo da manutenção – o que mais machuca. Voar alto significa mais consumo de combustível nas turbinas. Mergulhar mais fundo significa mais pressão sobre a sua cabeça e seus pulmões.

Às vezes me pego sonhando com uma vida mais simples, que me permitisse navegar mais leve. Um desejo de tranquilidade, de existir do modo menos afogueado. Porque, no fundo, estou mais para um sujeito simples do que para alguém sofisticado. O desperdício me incomoda mais do que a escassez. Convivo melhor com a contrição – onde enxergo uma oportunidade de comprovar caráter – do que com a ostentação, da qual tenho nojo. A questão para um cara que está no momento de vida em que me encontro é decidir se é possível abrir mão de coisas que absorvi ao longo da vida – dos penduricalhos, das miçangas, dos paetês – sem que isso represente retrocesso ou desconforto. Especialmente porque não decido mais por mim, apenas, mas por minha família também. Até que ponto abrir mão do peso extra não implica ser irresponsável com aqueles que dependem de mim? Não há uma inevitável sensação de derrota, de andar para trás, ao se desfazer de itens que você dedicou tantos anos a fio a enfiar dentro da sua mochila?

Não sei se voltar é possível ou desejável. Talvez o que seja possível é ir para outro lugar. Não sei se esse estilo de vida que construí e que toco hoje ainda me serve ou seguirá me servindo. Não sei se há uma terceira via entre o insuficiente e o supérfluo, entre o que é pouco demais e o peso extra que você não precisa carregar sobre os ombros vida afora. Não sei se haverá oportunidade de mudar – ou se eu precisarei criar essa oportunidade em minha vida. O que sei é que às vezes desconfio que vivo hoje numa frequência que não é bem aquele que me faria mais feliz. Como se eu não coubesse mais nela ou ela não tivesse mais a ver comigo. O que é uma constatação assustadora, se ela de fato se confirmar.

Você também se sente assim às vezes ou isso é pura loucura minha?

Autor: Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

165 comentários | Comentar

  1. 215 ALEXANDRE VIEIRA CAVALCANTE 11/11/2013 15:16

    Creio que voce já conquistou muitas coisas nesta vida, e isso te levou a condicao de ver que o vazio na alma permanece, te aconselharia a buscar conquistas mais elevadas, busque no Senhor Jesus Cristo a conquista da vida eterna. Leia I TIMÓTEO Cap. 6, e em especial o versículo 12. Que Deus te abencoe.

    • Adriano Silva 11/11/2013 16:44

      Obrigado pela benção, Alexandre! Abrx.

  2. 214 Marco Clerris 11/11/2013 19:18

    Oi Adriano. Li atentamente seu texto e me identifiquei logo de cara com ele. Tenho 50 anos e continuo tendo que trabalhar cada vez mais para o TER. Sempre fui uma pessoa simples, de fácil manutenção. Por isso cada vez mais eu penso no SER em detrimento de possuir coisas, as quais aliás eu não dou muito valor. Mas não sou solteiro, tenho uma companheira fantástica, parceira mesmo, mas ainda assim ela é muito diferente de mim. Teve uma vida muito difícil na infância, então o possuir de hoje é como se fosse um troféu. Mesmo que não saiba direito o que fazer com tudo que tem.

    Meu dilema é este: abandonar tudo e viver de uma forma mais simples, mas mais prazerosa, e mais barata também. Ou seguir no ritmo até onde eu puder. Não quero me matar de trabalhar pra pagar todos os confortos que consegui. Quero conhecer, sentir, experimentar. Isso é o que me move. Possuir coisas, nunca fez minha cabeça. Grande abraço.

    • Adriano Silva 02/12/2013 16:56

      Obrigado, Marco. Belo dilema. Que só pode ser resolvido a dois mesmo. Abrx.

    • Adriano Silva 12/11/2013 12:04

      Somos dois, Marco. Amadureçamos a decisão. Quando ela pintar, virá inteira e redonda. Abração!

  3. 213 ney anderson 11/11/2013 19:30

    vou dar a planta pra vcs, sejam cosmopolitas no campo, pra que ficar neurotic nos grandes centros desnecessariamente ? aliar o moderno ao tradicional hj é facil com a internet, deixem os grandes centros para os parasitas das mais diversas especies

    • Adriano Silva 12/11/2013 12:02

      Penso bastante nisso, Ney. Obrigado por comentar. Abrx.

  4. 212 silene 02/12/2013 16:52

    Tenho muita vontade de TER, porém o seu texto me despertou também a vontade de SER. Obrigada.

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  6. 210 Rosalira de Oliveira 08/12/2013 12:16

    Adriano,

    Compartilho totalmente da tua angústia. Encontro-me no mesmo dilema. Como pode alguém que, de acordo com as estatísticas nem deveria estar aqui, abrir mão do “sucesso”. Será que basta mudar de ambiente? Se não se está no lugar certo, onde se deveria estar?

    Apenas tenho a certeza de que há mais, mais para se fazer, mais para se viver do que correr atrás de segurança e conforto.

    Grande abraço

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